uncertainties and such fears

Of goodbyes, airports and extra baggage

I abhor visiting the airport. Restlessness lurks around, hovering like a humid atmosphere waiting for held-back tears to fall from the eyes of passengers and their loved ones.

As much as I want to evade that place (I once described as an impish portal), it is also a constant rendezvous for me and acquaintances delivering or sending packages to my family.

Once, I met with my dad’s co-worker, who went home for the holidays. Moments before, I imagined how I would take her hand for a mano, or hug her like I would if she were my mom. She arrived after an hour tormenting thoughts fooling around on my mind. I was worrying that she might have left, knowing that she would have an immediate connecting flight to Davao.

We recognized each other meters away even if we haven’t met before. I saw her beaming smile as if she had seen my mother’s eyes and my dad’s eyebrows on my face.

“Kamusta na po sila?” I asked as she hurriedly took out my package from her bag and hastily traded it with the parcel (for my parents) in my hand. “Ok naman sila, magpakabait ka,” she answered during the barter. It was that swift. She had to leave. I stayed at where I was standing. I wanted to call her back. I forgot to send a kiss for my mom.

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I found this crafty little poem from an online newspaper. For all the concealed emotions to land on.

BAGAHE
Tula ni Axel Pinpin

Wala tayong narinig sa isa’t-isa
noong una mong paglisan
dahil kung anong higpit ng ating mga yakap
siya namang luwag nang pagpatak ng luha
sa di nagpantay nating mga pisngi;
waring nalimutan ng ating mga labi
ang kanyang “mag-iingat” at “hanggang sa muli”.

Naalala na nating ngumiti at magbilin
sa ikalawa mong paglipad.
Naroon pa rin ang higpit ng yakap ng pagtanggap
at hibi ng mga luhang parang di nasasanay;
nawika mo sa unang elektronikong liham:
“Kuya, tayo na lang yata ang umiiyak ‘pag nasa airport,
pinatahan na ang iba ng pangako ng dolyar.”

Higit na pinaghiwalay ng rehas at ng iyong pag-ibig
ang paalaman natin sa pinakahuli mong biyahe.
Pinagulang na rin ng karanasan ang iyong yakap
at ang luha mo noo’y pang-unawa ang hanap.
Sa mensahe mo bago ka lumulan ng eroplano:
“Kuya, over-baggaged ako. Mabigat ang kalamay,
at alamang. Kung pwede sana, di ko na dalhin ang pag-aalala
sa iyong paglaya, sa ating pamilya, sa aking kasintahan
at sa ating Bayan.”